i just started doing an independent faith journey study reading The
Resolution for Women. Reading only one chapter made me feel so convicted about how I have been living my life. I’m always looking at the next chapter trying to peak ahead. In elementary school I just wanted to feel the independence of middle school, in middle school I just wanted to get to high school and be an athlete, in high school I just wanted to move on to college and get away, in college I just wanted to be in the Peace Corps already. And now here I am, having not been fully emotionally present for a good portion of the previous TWENTY THREE years and I’m living the dream I thought I’ve had since I was 8 years old and all I can think is “what am I going to do when I’m done here??” Part of that is our culture, everyone always ALWAYS asks “so what is your plan after Peace Corps” and I supply an answer. But really when I think about it, all I want to say is “woah man! I’ve been in country for 6 months, let me relax and enjoy my job for at least a little bit!” But that’s not what I have been doing. All the questions made me start thinking “well Jessie, what ARE you going to do? Are you going to go back to school? Are you going to go back to SCA? Are you going to go back to EPA? Are you going to try to teach?” Only to realize now I’ve been here for 6 months and it’s already a blurred memory. Because I haven’t been focused on being emotionally present. Here I have the greatest blessing I could ever get, I have the one job I have always wanted living on the only continent I’ve always wanted to visit. Here I am with my dreams a reality by the grace of God and I’m not even allowing myself to be present for the experience.
Don’t fall into this trap friends. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, pause. Breathe. LIVE. Here it is, life happening, 23 years accomplished. I can’t go back and relive those memories and remember everything. What’s done is done and there are some memories I will never have back because it took me this long to get wise. But the good news is I still have plenty of new memories to make because now God has opened my eyes. This is my life and I’m just trying to peak ahead and see what’s next. But why does it matter what’s next? I’m in this little village in Africa for 2 years, does it really matter what I’m doing when I leave or does it matter that I remember as much of this experience as possible? So today, I resolve to be content where I am and thank God for every blessing I receive and LIVE IN AFRICA. I resolve to remember and be an active part of my own life and take the days as they come so I no longer have to look back and think “hm. What DID happen when I was there?” I resolve to remember my experience in Africa and let it change my heart how it will and create memories how it will and map out the course of my life how it will.