Tuesday, March 11, 2014

3/12/2014: Enter Minor Panic Attack about January 2016

“Give your entire attention to what I am doing right now, don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” –Matthew 6:34

I feel I just blogged on this topic and yet just days later, I have a confession. I may or may not have had a minor panic attack during my time in Maputo…WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NEXT??
I have always had career ADD. Ask my dad…it always depends on my present job. Trail crew: “Dad! I’M GOING TO WORK FOR A TRAIL ASSOCIATION!”; American Eagle: “Dad! I’M GOING TO MANAGE AN AMERICAN EAGLE!”; Environmental Protection Agency Internship: “Dad! I’M GOING TO WORK FOR THE SUPERFUND!”; Peace Corps Volunteer teacher: “Dad! I’M GOING TO TEACH!” or lately: “Dad! I’M GOING TO WORK AT PEACE CORPS HEADQUARTERS”; Watching Devil Wears Prada: “Dad! I’M GOING TO RUN A HUGE COMPANY AND BE FEARED LIKE MERYL STREEP’S CHARACTER!”; and for the times I’m in between and totally lost and confused: “Dad! I’M GOING TO HAVE AN ORGANIC FARM AND COFFEE SHOP AND MAKE MAPS ON THE SIDE!”
So that’s the background with the problem. Fast forward to now. Obviously having career ADD makes it very hard for me to figure out what to even do in Graduate School. How do I know what to study if I don’t even know what I’m going to do??
Insert my panic attack this morning.
With access to internet and copious amounts of free time (because in my evacuation I didn’t think to grab all of my text books so I can’t even lesson plan) I have been catching up on my NPR Environment Podcast (I mean…I gotta stay sharp in Environmental Policy just in case I end up…well anywhere actually as that’s my main passion…hence the 4 years of college in Environmental “stuff”).
Why does any of this matter? I guess it actually kind of doesn’t. Except I finished the work I was doing for a friend and now have time to think and blog…always a dangerous mix.
Sometimes I just wish I could have a flash of inspiration and know what I want to do next. I could study for GREs, apply to graduate school, and know that after Peace Corps I will be moving on to my “dream job.”
But in the middle of panic attack, I decided “hm. I didn’t do my devotional for today yet” and just like God’s perfect timing… I get “Give your entire attention to what I am doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow…” Jesus Today by Sarah Young.  And then I remember the promise I made during my first few days of venturing into The Resolution for Women. I will spend more time being in the now, being the best PCV I can be, the best 23 year old I can be, the best teacher I can be. Because that’s my life for the next 2 years and I don’t want to miss it being so concerned about my job ADD and my lack of concrete inspiration for a career. I’m 23 years old living in Africa…do I really need to know exactly what I will be doing by January 2016? No. I need to experience this life I have right now. 
Sometimes I just need to remember, when the time comes, I’ll know what to do and along the way I have one of the most supportive families behind my back to help me achieve what ever it is I want to achieve and help do whatever I need to do to get there.

No need to have a panic attack about career ADD when I’m only 23 years old and I HAVE a job.

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