“Give your entire attention to what I am doing right now,
don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help
you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” –Matthew 6:34
I feel I just blogged on this topic and yet just days later,
I have a confession. I may or may not have had a minor panic attack during my
time in Maputo…WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NEXT??
I have always had career ADD. Ask my dad…it always depends
on my present job. Trail crew: “Dad! I’M GOING TO WORK FOR A TRAIL ASSOCIATION!”;
American Eagle: “Dad! I’M GOING TO MANAGE AN AMERICAN EAGLE!”; Environmental
Protection Agency Internship: “Dad! I’M GOING TO WORK FOR THE SUPERFUND!”;
Peace Corps Volunteer teacher: “Dad! I’M GOING TO TEACH!” or lately: “Dad! I’M
GOING TO WORK AT PEACE CORPS HEADQUARTERS”; Watching Devil Wears Prada: “Dad! I’M GOING TO RUN A HUGE COMPANY AND BE
FEARED LIKE MERYL STREEP’S CHARACTER!”; and for the times I’m in between and
totally lost and confused: “Dad! I’M GOING TO HAVE AN ORGANIC FARM AND COFFEE
SHOP AND MAKE MAPS ON THE SIDE!”
So that’s the background with the problem. Fast forward to
now. Obviously having career ADD makes it very hard for me to figure out what
to even do in Graduate School. How do I know what to study if I don’t even know
what I’m going to do??
Insert my panic attack this morning.
With access to internet and copious amounts of free time
(because in my evacuation I didn’t think to grab all of my text books so I
can’t even lesson plan) I have been catching up on my NPR Environment Podcast
(I mean…I gotta stay sharp in Environmental Policy just in case I end up…well
anywhere actually as that’s my main passion…hence the 4 years of college in
Environmental “stuff”).
Why does any of this matter? I guess it actually kind of doesn’t.
Except I finished the work I was doing for a friend and now have time to think
and blog…always a dangerous mix.
Sometimes I just wish I could have a flash of inspiration
and know what I want to do next. I could study for GREs, apply to graduate school,
and know that after Peace Corps I will be moving on to my “dream job.”
But in the middle of panic attack, I decided “hm. I didn’t
do my devotional for today yet” and just like God’s perfect timing… I get “Give
your entire attention to what I am doing right now, and don’t get worked up
about what may or may not happen tomorrow…” Jesus
Today by Sarah Young. And then
I remember the promise I made during my first few days of venturing into The Resolution for Women. I will spend
more time being in the now, being the best PCV I can be, the best 23 year old I
can be, the best teacher I can be. Because that’s my life for the next 2 years
and I don’t want to miss it being so concerned about my job ADD and my lack of
concrete inspiration for a career. I’m 23 years old living in Africa…do I
really need to know exactly what I will be doing by January 2016? No. I need to
experience this life I have right now.
Sometimes I just need to remember, when the time comes, I’ll
know what to do and along the way I have one of the most supportive families
behind my back to help me achieve what ever it is I want to achieve and help do
whatever I need to do to get there.
No need to have a panic attack about career ADD when I’m
only 23 years old and I HAVE a job.
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